“You’re not in India!” Someone said this to me as I walked into a prayer meeting at my church on Sunday. They were at the moment getting ready to pray for me on my trip to India.
My mind rushed trying to think of the cleverest response to this. Perhaps a shocked look, then “Wait, are you trying to tell me I’m not in India?” Or perhaps I could go with a more subtle, slow realization that I wasn’t there like, “Whoa. Dude. I am so not in India.” I thought about inventing a crazy story about how Renee was in India and I was just her doppelganger, but as my mind was working out the logistics of how I (the doppelganger) had escaped the lab where I was grown, my mouth spoke the truth, “Yeah. I’m not. I lost my passport and wasn’t able to get a replacement visa in time.”
So if you see me in St. Louis the next few days, you can rest assured that it’s probably not my doppelganger or evil clone you are seeing, it is me [note: If you see me doing something like holding up a bank, kidnapping orphans, or listening to pop music, it is actually a doppelganger and not me. These distinctions can be confusing sometimes.] When I first realized that I wasn’t going to able to go to India, I was very disappointed and sad. I have wanted to go for so long, and I felt like this trip would be the culmination of years of longing. I felt like the trip might be an indicator over whether or not God was leading me to serve in India or not. Not being able to go felt sort of like a loss of purpose… if I’m not going to India, then what am I supposed to do with my future?
Over the past week, I’ve had a lot of my disappointment alleviated. It’s true that I don’t know why I’m not going to India. It’s true that in some sense, I still don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. But I keep being reminded of all this scripture where God promises again, and again, and again, so that we, anxious, doubtful, mistrusting creatures that we are, cannot ever forget that “I know the plans I have for you, they are plans to help you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” “Remember that all things God works for those who love him.” In not being able to go to India, I’ve had an incredible amount of comfort that God is sovereign in my not going. For whatever reason, I am staying in St. Louis for a purpose. And what about my future, where am I going, how I’m supposed to live right now? This verse keeps echoing through my head, “I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you with my eye.”
My mind rushed trying to think of the cleverest response to this. Perhaps a shocked look, then “Wait, are you trying to tell me I’m not in India?” Or perhaps I could go with a more subtle, slow realization that I wasn’t there like, “Whoa. Dude. I am so not in India.” I thought about inventing a crazy story about how Renee was in India and I was just her doppelganger, but as my mind was working out the logistics of how I (the doppelganger) had escaped the lab where I was grown, my mouth spoke the truth, “Yeah. I’m not. I lost my passport and wasn’t able to get a replacement visa in time.”
So if you see me in St. Louis the next few days, you can rest assured that it’s probably not my doppelganger or evil clone you are seeing, it is me [note: If you see me doing something like holding up a bank, kidnapping orphans, or listening to pop music, it is actually a doppelganger and not me. These distinctions can be confusing sometimes.] When I first realized that I wasn’t going to able to go to India, I was very disappointed and sad. I have wanted to go for so long, and I felt like this trip would be the culmination of years of longing. I felt like the trip might be an indicator over whether or not God was leading me to serve in India or not. Not being able to go felt sort of like a loss of purpose… if I’m not going to India, then what am I supposed to do with my future?
Over the past week, I’ve had a lot of my disappointment alleviated. It’s true that I don’t know why I’m not going to India. It’s true that in some sense, I still don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. But I keep being reminded of all this scripture where God promises again, and again, and again, so that we, anxious, doubtful, mistrusting creatures that we are, cannot ever forget that “I know the plans I have for you, they are plans to help you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” “Remember that all things God works for those who love him.” In not being able to go to India, I’ve had an incredible amount of comfort that God is sovereign in my not going. For whatever reason, I am staying in St. Louis for a purpose. And what about my future, where am I going, how I’m supposed to live right now? This verse keeps echoing through my head, “I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you with my eye.”
Good thoughts, Renee. Only your evil doppelganger would listen to pop music. Clever line.
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